Why unrequited love is not as bad as it seems

There is a very simple reason why there are countless songs and stories about unrequited love. In 1960, Everly Brothers recorded a song that captured the essence on love in two simple words- love hurts. When that love is not reciprocated, it hurts even worse. But even though falling in love with someone who does not share your emotions might seem bleak, it still is not as bad as it seems. And here’s why.

You learn to handle rejections.

Let’s face it- getting rejected by someone can be devastating. You might feel as if you are not worthy of anything because this one person did not reciprocate your feelings. But life itself is full of rejections- and things seldom go as planned. So even though at first it hurts, you will eventually come to terms with the fact that not everyone will love you, and that is okay. Something better will come find you in time.

You are forced to be a better person.

The most common way to get over an unrequited love is to dive into hobbies and activities. So you will spend a lot of time reading, writing, listening to music and watching movies. You will spend more time with the people who do value you, and you will actively try to find new hobbies to keep yourself distracted. All of these cumulatively make you a better person. At the very least, it helps you see how much better you can be as a person.

Why Unrequited Love is not as Bad as it Seems 1

Read more: https://hifipublic.com/en/2018/11/06/the-ultimate-breakup-playlist-for-the-broken-hearted/

Unrequited love makes you more cautious

No one likes hurting. No one likes feeling inadequate. So every time you get rejected by someone you fell in love with, you become a little more cautious so that you do not have to go through the same pain again. And in a way this defense mechanism is good, because you learn to distinguish between people who are worth your time, and people who are not.

You get more comfortable in your own skin

As sad it might sound, you are stuck with yourself. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you will always have to take yourself with you. And so it is extremely important to know who you are and be comfortable with that. We are not just talking about your body, or personality- we are talking about the whole package. So what someone didn’t feel the same way about you as you did for them? You are what you are, and that is enough. Let enough time pass by, and you will start seeing the truth yourself.

Eventually, you become more confident.

Yes, it sounds very counter-intuitive. Someone rejected you- this realization does not work wonders for your self-esteem. But if you ride it out, you will know what you can survive, and that gives you a sense of self that no one can take away from you. Remember, a wise man once said- “You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are.” Do not ever forget that.

Even the darkest of times can bring a ray of light in your life if you let it. So do not be so hard on yourself.

This, too, shall pass my friend. Stay strong.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: are our expectations of teenagers too low? What to watch instead?

Netflix recently released its teen romance film, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. It quickly took its audience (read: young girls) by storm. A major reason for its success is definitely the male lead’s good looks; the movie has also received praise for charming characters and a lovable plot line. However, a question lingers, if a movie about two teenagers faking a relationship and then falling in love (big surprise) makes a good movie, how low are our expectations from films about teenagers?

The absolutely ridiculous plotlines

teenagers, to all the boys i've loved before

Our teenage pasts may always return to haunt us. But I bet that none of you were ever stupid enough to try any of the following methods:

1. Keep an archive of secret love letters with the one plan of keeping them unsent, but with the correct address and a stamped envelope for each of them.
2. Write one of those letters to your older sister’s (then) boyfriend.
3. Accidentally send a love letter to someone. Then try to convince them that you do not like them by avoiding them and faking a relationship with someone else.
4. Have a huge misunderstanding with your (fake) girlfriend because she doesn’t let you talk at all (for the sake of having a plot). One wonders how easily the situation could have been resolved by texted explanation.

Even if I ignore these absurdities, the entire plot can be predicted after the first 10 minutes by a 5th grader.  Depicting teenagers as vapid idiots for the sake of lazy storytelling seems like a strange choice considering the intended audience are teenagers.

The plastic complex characters

teenagers, to all the boys i've loved before

Movies exist in which the teenagers are treated as multidimensional human beings with a wider emotional range than a teaspoon. Take Me, Earl and the Dying Girl serves as examples of such storytelling. There are movies where teenagers act like species so dumb that no other generation can grasp them, like Mean Girls. And then there are movies like To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, which desperately try to build an emotionally complex teenager by forcing it upon them through ridiculous backgrounds.

In this movie, both leads are without a parent; this gives the girl severe abandonment issues causing her to avoid telling her fake dating guy that she likes him back for real. Embedding insincere complexities feel like an insult to teenagers because the writers, who created the edgy backstory overlooked how characters can rationally develop and change with context. This reflects a thought process which is the equivalent of telling your teenage daughter “I trust you, I just don’t trust the rest of the world!” The writer seems to underestimate teenagers’ intelligence, and your mom clearly doesn’t trust you.

Aren’t all teen movies like this?

teenagers, to all the boys i've loved before

The short answer to this would be, yes, most movies about teenagers make the same assumptions about the demographic. This also the reason most movies about teenagers are also bad movies. By no means am I asserting that all teenagers are infallible intellectuals. Rather, the mistakes one makes as a teenager are the kind that alters their perspective of the world. Usually, the mistakes are not objectively and obviously moronic choices. It is an age when they develop their own sense of the world. Therefore, any movie for this audience should reflect the shifts in maturity and personality that teens experience.

Movies that get it right

An example of this being done right is Juno. The lovable and quirky protagonist has sex, just like 48% of teens in American high schools. She learns to make hard decisions that reflect her personal growth over the course of the pregnancy. Another fantastic teen rom-com movie is the grossly under-the-radar Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. Unlike Juno, this movie doesn’t grapple with the subject of maturing in your teens. It only focuses on an adorable love story, where both lead characters are intelligent and quirky. The movie is succesfully relatable and, more importantly, a good story.

Movies such as Scott Pilgrim vs the World, The Breakfast Club, Submarine, Call Me By Your Name, and Perks of Being a Wallflower, are additional evidence that it is possible to write, produce, and direct stories about teenagers in a non-disdainful manner.  I am sure the list is long of teen movies that misunderstand young people and feel written by condescending adults.

My main objection with To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, is not just the subpar story. My main objection is if we think this is acceptable and a ‘good’ movie, we encourage flawed storylines and set the bar too low.